• Genuinely ask for specific examples.
• Encourage them to give feedback.
• Do not defend or refute.
• Show sincerity in wanting to know their truth. (We say their because not everyone’s version is accurate, complete, or helpful.)
• Build their confidence that there is zero downside to speaking up (no retribution, punishment, or risk).
• Convey that you respect their point of view and will be vulnerable (especially to associates junior to you).
• Prove through continued experience that you won’t dispute or challenge their position, defend your behavior, or dismiss their feedback out of hand.
• Perhaps most important, show through your new behavior that you value their risk-taking enough to improve.
• Don’t lure someone to the “safe” side of the pool and then push their head below the surface.
• Show how you valued others who provided you with feedback, and that there was only an upside in them doing so.
• Carefully consider the physical setting. Don’t invite someone into your office and sit behind your massive desk and gargoyle-themed garniture expecting courage. Find neutral ground to show you’re not above them or anything they have to say.
• Take notes and ask for clarification.

FROM MESS TO SUCCESS: MAKE IT SAFE TO TELL THE TRUTH

• Consider what you’re doing to encourage or discourage others from sharing with you their truth about you.
• Assess your current organisation or team. Is lying or spinning rewarded? Is truth-telling unsafe?
• Communicate that mistakes are inevitable and candid feedback is welcome.
• Show that you value feedback by changing your behaviour and thanking the giver.
• Above all, when someone does take the risk to provide feedback, don’t dismiss it, disregard it, or defend yourself. Listen, show appreciation, then discern on your own whether it’s worthy of acting on. Some feedback will be more about the person offering it than about you.